Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
