guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
