nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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