I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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