you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
