And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize