she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
