She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
