dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
