I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
