I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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