Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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