Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
