She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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