It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
