and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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