I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
