My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
