So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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