Do you still have your period?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
