...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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