Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
