As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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