When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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