I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Im part way to drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
