just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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