shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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