Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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