So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When did angry sex become our thing?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
