so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am one with the molecules
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm too high and old for this...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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