real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
