So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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