dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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