Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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