be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
