my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
