When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
