Screwed.edu
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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