I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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