I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
