i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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