Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
