he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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