Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
