how can u be prego again
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
