I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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