nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
