Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
