if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
