By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
