quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
