It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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