brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
