I am spending my child support on dildos
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
BRING THE BAGELS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
