I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
