you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
