There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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