So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
