I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
