We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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