I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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