I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize