we have officially lost it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
