he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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