your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
