A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
