I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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