you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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