My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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