Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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