My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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