we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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