who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
