What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
