it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
