took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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