dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need a beard to bite.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
