If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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