Who wears a wallet chain?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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