im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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