Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
