I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
