Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
