I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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