I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Buhtt sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
