i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
