I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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