I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
